39 Questions with Mikhail Lerma

 1. Tell us a little about yourself. Just who the hell are you, anyway?

Just how far back should I go with this? I was spawned inside my father’s testicles, and was evicted from my mother’s womb like some kind of glorified jellyfish. On that day they named me Mikhail Lerma. I hail from the great plains of North America, which is now just a massive flat cornfield. Fast forward, my marketing VP/wife and I have spawned three little females of our own. The first time I ever wrote a story was in third grade. It wasn’t good. The next time was as a sophomore in high school. Again, it wasn’t any good. Then, one day in Iraq the muses graced me with their divine intervention and I attempted to write a third time. It was rough, but was good enough to get picked up by Permuted Press. That little gem is titled Z Plan: Blood on the Sand. It was followed by Z Plan: Red Tides, which was also picked up by PP.

2. Do you have any strange writing habits?

I write in the nude. And talk to my self. Sometimes argue with my self. I don’t always win.

3. What book do you wish you could have written?

The Bible. That thing sells like crazy! I don’t know who God’s agent is, but he’s good.

4. Just as your books inspire authors, what authors have inspired you to write?

Can’t really say it was an author that inspired me to write. It was more of a, do I sit and stare at a wall or play more halo? So boredom inspired me. But I can say that I was influenced. Agatha Christie is one. In my opinion, she had some of the most clever plot twists I’ve ever read. And she was smoking hot. Stephen King, who is also smoking hot. He just proves that anything can be scary. A haunted hotel, a clown, a possessed truck, some fog, and ominous dome. Hell, even a writer can be scary. Max Brooks (his book, not the awful movie), J.L. Bourne. Really the list goes on.

5. If you could cast your characters in the Hollywood adaptation of your book, who would play your characters?

My wife and I play this game all the time!

Cale: Aaron Taylor-Johnson (Kickass, Godzilla, Savages)

Zach: Nicholas Holt (Warm Bodies, X-Men: First Class)or Andrew Garfield (The Amazing Spiderman)

Lauren: Jenna Malone (Donnie Darko, Hunger Games: Catching Fire)

Naeem: Jimmy-Jean Louis (Heroes, Arrow, Tears of the Sun, Bourne Identity)

Ben: Seth Gabel (Fringe, Arrow)

Blair: Michael Cudlitz (The Walking Dead) *I’m sort of type casting this guy. Ginger in the zombie apocalypse

6. How important are names to you in your books? Do you choose the names based on liking the way it sounds or the meaning? Do you have any name choosing resources you recommend?

Sometimes I dwell on names. Other times I feel like George R.R. Martin and I name a character Bob or Kevin. For the most part, a lot of my characters are combinations of people I actually know. So I use similar names or combine their names. There is a group of five men in my current work-in-progress that I spent DAYS getting their names right. But for the rest I recommend the Google machine.

7. What do you consider to be your best accomplishment?

Just finishing the first book. It’s easy (sometimes) to start writing, but to sit down and see something through like that with no writing experience/training is pretty amazing.

8. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

My magic eight ball says try again over and over. Is that good? I’d like to see my self writing full time. Maybe dabbling in other genres and possibly another series.

9. Were you already a writer, and have you always liked to write?

No. The two times before Z Plan were homework assignments. Writing was more my sister’s thing than mine. But since book one I’ve come to thoroughly enjoy writing.

10. What writing advice do you have for other aspiring authors?

At the sake of sounding like everyone else I recommend you write what you know. If you want to do something realistic like an ambulance paramedic who can see ghosts but you’re a bank accountant, you better learn yourself some of the jargon and actual practices a paramedic would use. Don’t just make it up. Most readers can see right through that. But if it’s straight up fiction, a world you create from scratch, feel free to fill your books with the ramblings of your inner voices. No matter how ridiculous.

11. If you didn't like writing books, what would you do for a living?

I’m a spontaneous person. I’d probably just do whatever. And if I like it, great. If not, at least it pays the bills.

12. Do you read your reviews? Do you respond to them, good or bad? Do you have any advice on how to deal with the bad?

I read them almost as soon as they’re posted. I’m just excited to see if someone enjoyed it or not. I've only ever responded to one. It was my first and only one star review. It was by no means one of those messages. In fact, we were both very civil. I thrive on feedback, and in my opinion nothing is one hundred percent. There’s always room for improvement. We exchanged a few messages and parted on honest and kind words. Nice guy. My characters just weren’t what he was looking for. Advice? Don’t take it personally. Never respond while you’re angry or upset. Everyone is entitled to their opinion. Stay true to yourself and your writing, but take the negative they found and work on it. Not for them. For yourself. Reviews help you become a better writer.

13. What is your best marketing tip?

Don’t sell your books, sell yourself. Wow, that sounded dirty. I don’t mean prostitute yourself. But on second thought that would be good money…

14. What is your least favorite part of the publishing / writing process?

Deadlines. I’m not a full time writer. I’d like to be, however, I’m not. So I have all sorts of things going on. Between family and work there are only a few hours left in the day. I try to fill them with writing, but some days I just want to play a videogame or take the kids to a movie.

15. Is there one subject you would never write about as an author? What is it?

Gay vampire porn. I’ve heard there is a demand for it right now, and writers who can do it are selling well. But I don’t think that’d be something I could write. I’m not against homosexuality, but it goes back to writing what you know. And as a heterosexual male, I’d have no idea where to even begin there. Haha.

16. Is there a certain type of scene that's harder for you to write than others?

Ones where my main character is by himself. There is no dialogue, just narration. The paragraphs are filled with; “He did this”, “He looked here”, “He thought about this”. It can get repetitive even with a diverse vocabulary.

17. Is this your first book? How many books have you written prior (if any?)

I’m working on the third book in my series, Z Plan: Homecoming. Once it’s finished that’ll be three notches on my belt. I hope to add a lot more. I’ll probably need more than one belt…or I just need a bigger gut.

18. What are you working on now? What is your next project?

I was kind of keeping my next project hush-hush, but Michael Wilson and Anthony Ziccardi got me to share it with them when I was in Nashville. So I suppose I could give you a bit of a sample. It’ll be like Water World meets, Hunger Games meets, Under the Dome meets, the Little Mermaid. Lol.

19. Do you write naked?

See question number two.

20. What is your biggest failure?

I don’t want to sound pompous, but I can’t really say I've had a ‘failure’. I like to say I’ve had learning opportunities. I've just been really lucky is all.

21. What is the biggest lie you've ever told?

Where are you getting these questions!? You should blackmail me via private message. Lol. Let’s see…I once told my first grade teacher my throat hurt too bad to be called on in class.

22. Have you ever gotten into a bar fight?

Once. A dirty pirate spilled his drink on a ninja that was sitting next to me. I saw the whole thing go down. They stared at each other for what seemed like hours. Then I yelled, “Beat down!” And all hell broke loose. There were like fifteen ninjas (I couldn’t count them all because…well, they’re ninjas), but there was definitely only twelve pirates. The bar we were in had a capacity of twenty-eight people so it was cramped. Kuni were thrown and left ‘hooks’ were given. Get it? Left hooks? Ya know, because they’re pirates? No. Never been in a bar fight.

23. Characters often find themselves in situations they aren't sure they can get themselves out of. When was the last time you found yourself in a situation that was hard to get out of and what did you do?

Just last week. My wife left a ‘honey-do’ list and on it was dishes. It was pretty hairy for a second, but I managed to pawn it off on my seven and five year olds. Relax, there are no child labor laws violated here. I checked. Besides, it qualifies as a chore.

24. Do you drink? Smoke? And if so, what’s your favorite libation?

I don’t smoke, but I do drink on occasion. I get a lot of writing done when I drink so that’d be my favorite. I just have to be careful because sometimes I feel like Jack Torrance or Mort Rainey. But man, those guys could write!

25. What is your biggest fear?

Lord Voldermort. Next question.

26. What do you want your tombstone to say?

Because I don’t want to come back from the dead like in Return of the Living Dead, I will be cremated. But I could put a tombstone on a plot that read “Vacancy”.

27. If you had a superpower, what would it be?

Telekinesis. I could use it as super strength and flight. Not to mention its applications for defense. Just watch Chronicle. That’d be me with super powers. Matt, not Andrew.

28. If you were a super hero, what would your name be? What costume would you wear?

Well, Captain Planet is already taken…but my costume would be like Michael Shannon’s in the Man of Steel. After Zod throws off all the unnecessary armor and takes flight.

29. What literary character is most like you?

Tom Sawyer. Mischievous and adventurous.

30. What secret talents do you have?

I can’t tell you, it’s personal. But it’s why my wife married me.

31. Where is one place you want to visit that you haven't been before?

The surface of Mars. Call me crazy, but I’d totally sign up for a one-way trip there if I didn’t have kids. Who cares if I’d die there one day? I could not go and die here anyway? At least there I’d be among the first to see another planet in person.

32. What is something you want to accomplish before you die?

Number thirty-one. Seriously.

33. If you could have any accents from anywhere in the world, what would you choose?

На работе они называют бы Горбачева из-за моего имени. Поэтому я использую довольно забавный русский акцент , когда я пользоваться домофоном. But I’ll say Irish. From around Portlaoise.

34. Do you have any scars? What are they from?

A few. One on my forehead. Ran, and I do mean ran, head first into a wall playing tag. My left hand is covered in them from a rollover I was in about a year and a half ago. I’m sporting symmetrical burn scars on both wrists. Hazards of working in a steel mill. Oh, and one on my knee from work also.

35. What were you like as a child?

Smaller. With less body hair.

36. Do you dream? Do you have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

Yes. Actually my first book has one of them in it. It’s the same as my main character’s recurring dream. Then my character’s entire life is essentially a recurring nightmare I have.

37. You’re being attacked by a hoard of brain eating zombies at this very moment, and all you have is a butter knife, a week-old lemon and a cheese grater. How would you extract yourself from the situation?

First, when life gives you a week-old lemon, I’d make lemonade. Then I’d use the butter knife and cheese grater to stab and grate my way out. Those zombies would think they were the cheese at Olive Garden, and I never tell the waiter “when”.

38. Do you have any regrets? (Besides volunteering for this interview)

I wrote the first book on my deployment in 2007, but published it in 2012 because I didn't think it was any good. I wish I’d have jumped on it sooner.

39. And last, but certainly not least, do you have any books you’d like to recommend/ shout-outs?

I don’t read much now that I’m writing (I’m selfish like that). It’s mostly so I don’t subconsciously borrow aspects of their stories. So I avoid the zombie genre right now. But I did pick up Deep Black Sea by David M. Salkin. He has extensive knowledge on aquatic reefs and equipment. Something I want to educate myself further on. The book is great. And I had the chance to actually meet him in person! I’ve heard good things about Time of Death: Induction by Shana Festa and March of the Damned by Jeremiah Israel. I personally spoke to Jeremiah about his Flying Zombies Trilogy and it’s at the top of my list when Z Plan is all finished.

More info can be found here:

www.mikhaillerma.com

https://twitter.com/ZPlanBook @ZPlanBook

https://www.facebook.com/MikhailLermaAuthor

https://plus.google.com/u/0/+MikhailLerma/posts/p/pub

39 Questions for author S. P. Durnin

1.Tell us a little about yourself. Just who the hell are you, anyway?

Who, me? 
Just your everyday crowbar-totin', Guinness-quaffin', kilt-wearin', blue-eyed, Permuted Press author of the inevitable apocalypse!
I'm pretty common really. Two kids, two dogs, two cats, one wife, and a partridge-in-a-pear-treee-eee-eee-eeeeeeee... 
(New model includes crowbar and zombie-fighting 'Kung Fu' grip!)

2. Do you have any strange writing habits?

I try to do as many things in real life -that the characters in my novels do- as I can. Practice the Martial Arts, shoot firearms regularly, I've bungee jumped, zip-lined, zombie runs, things like that. I even take the crowbar to melons (and the occasional bowling ball) to get the feel for realistic brain-smashin' action sequences on a regular basis.

3. What book do you wish you could have written?

The entire Lord of the Rings trilogy.

Say what you want about hairy-toed hobbits, in my opinion (so take it with a grain of salt and a wedge of lemon) that series was -and is- one of the most sweeping and most brilliant sagas ever written, hands down. Besides, always had a thing for butt-kickin' elven women...
4. Just as your books inspire authors, what authors have inspired you to write?

The whole list? How much time ya' got? Just kidding. Here's just some of the top authors, there are a hell of a lot more! Tony Monchinski, Z.A. Recht, Jesse Petersen, Gini Koch, J.R.R. Tolkien, John Scalzi, Glen Cook, Robert Asprin, David (and Leigh) Eddings, Jason Brant, J.L. Bourne, Mel Gilden, Mike Resnick, Lloyd Alexander, Diane Duane, Chris Claremont, and Andre Norton.

5. If you could cast your characters in the Hollywood adaptation of your book, who would play your characters?

You know, I've actually thought about that (but then again, hasn't every author?).
Jake- Carl Urban- Reaper from DOOM
Laurel- Tara Perry- Marina from THE FLESH BEAT BAND
Kat- Grace Park- Boomer from BATTLESTAR GALACTICA
George- Steven Lang- Nathaniel Taylor from TERRA NOVA
Elle- Ali Larter- Claire from RESIDENT EVIL: EXTINCTION and AFTERLIFE
Allen- Dominic Monaghan- Charlie from LOST
Rae- Jill Wagner- Kirsta Starr from the television series BLADE 

6. How important are names to you in your books? Do you choose the names based on liking the way it sounds or the meaning? Do you have any name choosing resources you recommend?

I've found someone's name seldom defines them, in the real world or a fictional one. Many “cool” people with “cool” names are douche-bags, and not really anybody you want to meet for drinks, let alone spend any amount of time with.That being the case, I tend to sketch a character (or find photos of people who match what I see in my mind for them), then let the ol' back-brain free-associate. Names just pop up. I can't explain where they come from, because it's a mystery even to me!
.

7. What do you consider to be your best accomplishment?

Successfully keeping a firm grip on my temper amidst a world overrun by those who “know what's best”. Politicians, religious leaders, nanny-groups who want to dictate: what you eat, what you drink, what you drive, how you worship whatever deity you happen to believe in (or don't believe in), how you speak, how you think, etc. Anyone attempting to “convert” me, basically. To put it in a succinct and simple way: they can all take a flying leap from a tall structure, flap their arms really fast, and pray real hard for an updraft...

8. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

If the zombies don't rise (or maybe even if they do), hopefully the Patriarch of my very own country. It doesn't have to be anything grand or humongous. A nice island off the coast of Aruba somewhere would do just fine. “Mick-opia” has a nice ring to it. Free Guinness and Jameson's Irish Whisky every evening after the bagpipe players perform (Nightly. By law), plenty of corned beef, cabbage, and potato dinners, lots of buxom redheads.... That's paradise baby.

9. Were you already a writer, and have you always liked to write

Honestly, I never considered putting pen to page (or in this case: flipping-fumble-fingers to keyboard) before a few years ago. I was more into the whole “happily produce art for pages in comic books and live in obscurity” thing. But the Dead In My Head just wouldn't shut the hell up. The story/characters kept nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging and nagging at me, insisting that I let the story loose so I can finally (after the first series is finished maybe) get a good-bloody-night's sleep!!

10. What writing advice do you have for other aspiring authors?

That no-one can tell you how to write, they can only tell you how they write! Sit down, focus on the reality you want to birth and create it! Don't listen to the 'naysayers', the ones who don't have faith in you, the cretins who want to run you down because they're either to lazy (or narrow-minded) to attempt the same themselves. Even if you're the only one who ever reads it, give your vision life, dammit! 

11. If you didn't like writing books, what would you do for a living?

I'd have liked to be a short-order cook a few universes over. Don't judge. That wouldn't be as strange or boring as it sounds. Who knows? Maybe the laws of physics are different in the next universe to the right. I wouldn't say no to a little Midichlorian augmentation if it came down to it. 

Always wanted a lightsaber anyway...

12. Do you read your reviews? Do you respond to them, good or bad? Do you have any advice on how to deal with the bad?

I try not to obsess over them. Reviews are meat and potatoes for any author. They let us know people have heard us, felt what we have, that they've become invested in the characters we've pulled from the depths of our minds. All of us want the reader to see what we see happening in the story playing out within our heads, so when we're actually able to connect with someone in that way it's a very fulfilling experience.

Some of the good ones (if asked by the person who left it!) I will reply to. The bad ones? Never. Even if they're inaccurate, like say the reviewer references an event or part of a novel that didn't happen in any way or wasn't even written for that matter. 
That has happened to me, and I figured “Why feed the troll?”. That'll just keep them coming back under the bridge looking for more Billy-goats...

Always take honest reviews with a grain of salt. Remember that you're trying to impart your thoughts to someone. If they manage to understand, awesome. If they just want to spew hate-speech into the atmosphere (or the digital world), let em.
That's why Baskin Robbins has 31 flavors of ice-cream. Not everybody likes strawberry.
13. What is your best marketing tip?

Don't be “That Author” or, speaking bluntly, a money-hungry dick. Treat your readers/fans/everyone like a person, not like only numbers or dollar signs. I'm a fan of many authors (fantasy, sci-fi, horror, etc.) and I wouldn't want them to treat me as such if we one day met face-to-face, so I refuse to treat people who spend time in my apocalypse that way.

I love talking, both online and in person, with readers! I honestly enjoy getting their take/likes/opinions on events and characters. Sometimes you gain inspiration from the conversations. Hell, one of my Beta (reader) Corps actually convinced me a certain event -that I initially cut from the story- should be included in Book 2 of the Crowbar Chronicles! Her argument was sound and the event gave a particular character more depth, so I ended up keeping it in the novel. 

14. What is your least favorite part of the publishing / writing process?

Sometimes it seems that there's way too much back-biting and in-fighting among people in “The Biz”. There are people who spend a lot of their time ripping their peers, downing other people's vision. Basically “shitting on someone's riff” to make themselves feel better.
That puzzles me. Why bother? We're not critics, we're creators. 

The apocalypse is a lot fun, killing zombies is great stress relief, birthing alternate apocalyptic realities/timelines is wonderfully satisfying, and “Author's Revenge” is therapeutic in the extreme, but when you're able to create heroes... Characters in a novel that causes the reader to look up from the book and think “You know what? The world isn't so dark after all...”?
That's something special.

15. Is there one subject you would never write about as an author? What is it?

Yes.
-I will never write anything calling for the downfall of America. 
While my ancestry is Irish/Celtic, this is my country. My home. I love it.

-I will also never produce work which condones doing any of the following: hitting women, abusing children, or blowing up buildings for religious reasons.
Individuals (bottom-feeders) who like doing any of that can go suck the death-pipe.

16. Is there a certain type of scene that's harder for you to write than others?

Not so much. When I write, I don't see the paper, screen, or words. It plays out in my head like I'm viewing a movie, or as if I'm just an disembodied observer, watching ghost-like while events happen around me. That's kind of strange I suppose, but it works... 

17. Is this your first book? How many books have you written prior (if any?)

Yup! First one. I have work in a pair of anthologies (which were both great fun, by the way) prior to the Crowbar Chronicles, but KEEP YOUR CROWBAR HANDY was the first that was mine-all-mine.

18. What are you working on now? What is your next project?

Currently I'm hip-deep into production of the third installment in my apocalypse, Book 3 of the Crowbar Chronicles: Assuming Room Temperature. After that, it's on to the fourth and final novel Yeah. I said final. I know, I know. People have asked “Why wouldn't you want them to go on forever??” The answer is simple. These characters aren't warriors or soldiers. They're normal (if slightly odd) people. They can't fight forever. Eventually, they'll become too tired (or too injured) to go on, so the story will have an ending. I've always said there are very specific things in store for them, specific events that have to occur in a certain (if tragic) way, before The End comes down the pipe. I'm just laying out how and when that happens. 

19. Do you write naked?

I have. Not often, and not in public. I have a lot of scars and people tend to point and cover their mouths in horror...

20. What is your biggest failure?

A certain previous relationship. Talk about a “fail”. In all honesty I should've seen that one coming like a dynamite-loaded freight train, but it turned out for the best. After all, I found my buxom, big-brained, red-haired “witchy” wife so I can't complain.

((Note)) Never end a relationship over dinner. Merlot stains do not come out of a tan shirt. Neither does mustard, as it turns out...

21. What is the biggest lie you've ever told?

Why you dirty-... I knew you would ask that! Fine, I'll cop to it.
You know That Question? The one every man fears? You know the one. It kind of goes like this: “Does this (random item of clothing here) make my butt look big?”.

I've lied to a few women over the course of my life by saying “No”, simply because they had really nice rear ends and I wanted to be able to appreciate them...

22. Have you ever gotten into a bar fight?

Does getting stabbed through the shoulder with an ice-pick in one count? If so, then the answer is yes.
((Note)) I broke the buggers arm in two places, so I figure we're even...

23. Characters often find themselves in situations they aren't sure they can get themselves out of. When was the last time you found yourself in a situation that was hard to get out of and what did you do?

Ugh.
That would've been during my time in South Texas. Let's see: mauled by a 400 pound wild boar (now have a titanium knee), a close encounter with a group of border jumpers who tried to kill us for our water (still alive), a goddamn alligator (he tasted great barbecued), and three separate rattlesnake bites.
What did I do? Swore (unless the zombies rise) I'll never... ever... go back to South Texas.

24. Do you drink? Smoke? And if so, what’s your favorite libation?

 I drink occasionally. When I say occasionally, I mean a few beers (like 4 or 5) every few weeks, or 2 fingers of Jameson's Irish Whiskey over the course of an evening on the weekend. I find I have to use Spell-check a hell of a lot less if I keep (moderately) sober. I tend not to write the same paragraph over again too.

I did smoke for a while, but gave it up. Far easier to breathe while running in the morning now.

24. What is your biggest fear?

Going “Dark Side”.
People joke about it all the time, but it scares the shit out of me. I've got a pretty good idea of what kind of pain/damage I could cause if I went full-on bastard. That's why I always remember to daily question both the motives behind my actions, and the type of man I've become.
25. What do you want your tombstone to say?


“Xavier's Institute for Gifted Youngsters Alumni: Class of '94'.

27. If you had a superpower, what would it be?

Just one? I know it's cheesy, but I'd pick flight. Invulnerability would be cool, super-strength even cooler, and who doesn't want to have Adamantium claws? But can you imagine being able to fly up and pick the Statue of Liberty's nose? 
Epic.

28. If you were a super hero, what would your name be? What costume would you wear?

Good lord, I have no clue.
Batman chose his because a bat flew through his window, but the Big-Blue Schoolboy (Superman) got his from his girlfriend... I dunno. Mach? No capes. Like a wise woman once said, capes will get you killed. I'd go with black or dark grey body armor (handy for creeping through the shadows), cowl with a full throat and mouth cover (not using face recognition on me, evil mastermind!), and a big ol', honkin' pair of Springfield .45's.
What can I say? I was always a big Rocketeer fan.

29. What literary character is most like you?

Aw man. You went there.
I'd love to be able to say Aragorn or something equally as bad-ass, but to be truthful I'm more along the lines of Wedge Antilles. I'm no uber-warrior, I don't want fame (though I wouldn't say no to fortune), and I'm not looking for any Death Stars to blow up. I just want to live, read (and write) a Mega-chain bookstore's worth of novels, and wonder about what's going on in the next universe to the right...

30. What secret talents do you have?

I'm pretty bad-ass when it comes to Karaoke.
Seriously. I tell people I can't carry a tune in a bucket, but that isn't actually the case. Disturbed, White Zombie, AC/DC, Fall Out Boy, Seether, Skillet, Metallica, Queen. I can sing 'em all.

31. Where is one place you want to visit that you haven't been before?

Alpha Centauri.
I'm pretty sure we're not alone in the universe -that's too depressing of a thought to even consider- and I'd like to see/meet just one species from another world before I shed this mortal coil. 

32. What is something you want to accomplish before you die?

See: become the Patriarch of my own country and meet an alien comments.

((Note)): Preferably one of the green, Orion, dancing girls. Just saying.

33. If you could have any accents from anywhere in the world, what would you choose?

Irish/Celtic.
What can I say? It's in my blood.
Besides, the wife thinks kilts and the whole “roll your R's thing is sexy, so...

34. Do you have any scars? What are they from?

Oh, hell yes.
-Bullet wound (.22 cal. Bounced off my 3^rd rib and is currently lodged in the underside of my scapula.)
-fang marks (3 separate rattlesnake bites)
-knee replacement (thank you, wild boar in South Texas. Porky bastard.)

35. What were you like as a child?

The same really, just without all those pesky adult bills.
Kinda dorky. Loved comics/movies/books/video games/the Martial Arts. Wanted to be a Jedi. You know. The good stuff.

36. Do you dream? Do you have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

My dreams (if you can call getting tortured within an inch of your sanity every damn time you close your eyes 'dreams') aren't really fit for causal discussion. I'll just say you bloody-well can feel pain in your dreams, and I envy anyone who hasn't been through that experience. Mine normally entail razor wire, claws, and a shit-ton of fangs...

37. You’re being attacked by a hoard of brain eating zombies at this very moment, and all you have is a butter knife, a week-old lemon and a cheese grater. How would you extract yourself from the situation?

Drop the lemon and cheese grater. They're useless. I don't care if it is just a butter knife, you can still put that puppy into a zombie's brain by way of its eyeball.

If they're the classic slow-movers, walk/trot away until they lose sight of you then make tracks at a ninety-degree angle away from the horde. They should keep moving in the same direction they last saw you heading
If they're fast-movers, apply the same concept. It's going to take more effort (and more time), and you'll have to use wreckage/obstacles to slow them down, but you'll still need to get out of sight at the first opportunity.
Remember: “The less attention you attract, the less attention you'll attract!”
((NOTE)) Would hopefully have the trusty crowbar handy too...

38. Do you have any regrets? (Besides volunteering for this interview)

A few.
-I regret (daily) not being able to verbally tell my wife I adore her except by saying “I love you”. I always think of smooth, romantic things to say, but when the time comes to say them, that's all that goes through my head and comes out of my mouth.
-I regret not buying a Benelli SPAS-12 riot shotgun when I had the chance.
-I definitely regret ever going to South Texas.
-I regret not taking up the Kung Fu at a younger age. I should've started practicing them at age five or six, not age thirteen.
-

39. And last, but certainly not least, do you have any books you’d like to recommend/ shout-outs?

Holy hell, yes.Ready for a list?
I'm sure by now many will have given plenty of examples for zombie/apocalyptic fiction, so I'll stick to other genres here.

THE MAN WITH THE GOLDEN TORC by Simon R. Green
BLUE MOON RISING by Simon R. Green
THE HUNGER SERIES (DEVOURED, CONSUMED, RAVAGED) by Jason Brant
MARRIED WITH ZOMBIES by Jesse Petersen
STALKING THE UNICORN by Mike Resnick
OLD MAN'S WAR by John Scalzi
SWEET SILVER BLUES by Glen Cook
SOMETHING FROM THE NIGHTSIDE by Simon R. Green
SUMMON THE KEEPER by Tanya Huff
STORM FRONT (AND FOLLOWING DRESDEN NOVELS) by Jim Butcher
CARPE DEMON (AND FOLLOWING NOVELS) by Julie Kenner
CROMM by Kenneth C. Flint
DIES THE FIRE (AND FOLLOWING NOVELS) by S.M. Sterling
BELGARATH THE SORCERER by David and Leigh Eddings
SO YOU WANT TO BE A WIZARD (AND FOLLOWING NOVELS) by Diane Duane
THE CHRONICLES OF PRYDAIN by Lloyd Alexander
FIRST FLIGHT, GROUNDED, AND SUNDOWNER by Chris Claremont

39 Questions with author Brain Parker

1. Tell us a little about yourself. Just who the hell are you, anyway? 

            My name is Brian Parker, I’m an Active Duty Army soldier and author.  I’ve been in for 19 years and some change, but for right now I don’t have any plans of hangin’ it up any time soon.  I’m currently stationed in God’s country (Texas!) – although right now I’m sitting in Kandahar, Afghanistan.  Yes, we’re still here and yes, we’re still stopping very bad people from doing very bad things on a daily basis, read between the lines.

            I was a self-published author before getting picked up by Permuted Press for a four book deal.  My stand-along post-apocalyptic novel Enduring Armageddon will be released in May 2015 while my Washington, Dead City series will be released with GNASH in Feb 2016, REND in Mar ’16 and SEVER in Apr ’16. 

            I currently have five books available.  My newest book Battle Damage Assessment will be released Thanksgiving week (in the US), while the rest of my books are available now.  My book Origins of the Outbreak is a zombie apocalypse novel told from multiple perspectives as one small Texas town deals with the first 72 hours of the initial infection; “The Collective Protocol” is a paranormal thriller about government-sponsored mind control; I have a children’s picture book called Zombie in the Basement; finally, I wrote a self-publishing how-to guide called Self-Publishing the Hard Way which examines the mistakes that I made along the way and how to overcome them.

2. Do you have any strange writing habits?

Not really?  I know that’s a cop-out, but I can – and have – write anywhere.  I’ve pulled out my cell phone and typed a chapter in the notes section during my kids’ gymnastics practice, written a couple chapters on both C17s and C130s while traveling around for the Army, I’ve sat in the field and written notes on a notepad… So maybe that’s a little outside the normal way folks write, but I’m most productive sitting behind my laptop with a drink (coffee or alcohol, depending on the time of day).

3. What book do you wish you could have written?

The Holy Bible.  That mofo is still selling like crazy!

4. Just as your books inspire authors, what authors have inspired you to write?

Ok, I always call him out and it’s totally free publicity for the dude, but it’s the truth.  As a career Army officer, I fell into the mental trap that I didn’t have time to write, so I stopped after college.  But in 2008 or 2009 I read J.L. Bourne’s “Day By Day Armageddon” and found out that he was an Active Duty Naval officer, so I decided that if he could do it, so could I and I haven’t looked back since then!

5. If you could cast your characters in the Hollywood adaptation of your book, who would play your characters?

            Out of the books that I’ve written so far, the one that I absolutely believe could be made into a movie would be GNASH (it will be re-released by Permuted Press in February 2016).  Readers of that book and the three readers that I’ve allowed to see the sequel REND have said it seems just like a movie by the way it focuses on multiple characters and doesn’t bog down on following only one storyline.  The book could be a stand-alone political thriller without the zombie aspect, but the two together make a great combination.

Let’s see, lead characters…  Hmm, I see Grayson Donnelly as a Mark Walburg type of guy, quiet, unassuming and compassionate but his former military training lets him kick butt when needed.  Emory Perry, is pretty, strong and smart.  I see here as a more of a Jessica Biel character.  Jessica Spellman was a pretty high school cheerleader, but years of the wrong type of men have turned her into the shell of her former self but she shines after Grayson saves her life.  Definitely Elisha Cuthburt.  Hank Dawson is an Army Delta operator who doesn’t take any lip from anyone, Cam Gigandet.  Finally, the CIA operative Kestrel, Asher Hawke, is only in “GNASH” for about twenty pages, but he’s the main character in “REND”.  I see Karl Urban playing him.

6. How important are names to you in your books? Do you choose the names based on liking the way it sounds or the meaning? Do you have any name choosing resources you recommend?

            Nah, I’m not wedded to any specific names.  Although I usually will give a bit character a name that I don’t really care for.  Unfortunately it backfires, like in REND I gave Kestrel’s neighbor the name Misty, but in SEVER, she’s ended up becoming one of the main characters and I changed her name to Rachel… So when I start the editing phase with Permuted for REND, I’ll have to change that!

7. What do you consider to be your best accomplishment?

            I think finishing my first book was a huge accomplishment.  When you’re just starting out, you don’t realize the rewards and satisfaction associated with publishing a book.  Sure, it’s a goal, but you don’t truly understand it until you have total strangers telling you that your book made them feel a certain way.  GNASH took me 2.5 years to write, Enduring Armageddon took eight months and now I publish one about every four months, that’s because of a process that I have and because I understand that there’s a small (but growing!) group of people anxiously awaiting the next thing I produce.

8. Where do you see yourself in 10 years?

            Professionally, I’ll probably be back at the Pentagon (already worked there for five years); but for my writing, I hope that the Permuted releases can really springboard my writing career and help newer readers discover my work.  I’d like to have a #1 bestseller, but we’ll have to see…

9. Were you already a writer, and have you always liked to write?

            Oh yeah, I’ve always written.  In fact, I have probably ten “books” that I started over the years that are in various stages on my computer that I’ve just transferred each time I got a new one.  Like I mentioned, I took a break after I joined the Army full-time, but now I just don’t watch very much television – BTW, in case you didn’t know this, TV is a HUGE time suck!

10. What writing advice do you have for other aspiring authors?

            Keep at it and don’t obsess about turning the perfect phrase.  I’m a member of a lot of writing pages and try to get to them as much as I can, but so often I see people talking about editing and re-editing and going crazy over their first chapter and never advancing beyond that.  They get frustrated because they put so much effort into making it perfect without actually doing any writing.  Here’s what I do: I write the entire book, only making minor changes as things develop that need adjusting and then go back and edit once I’m done.  It’s that simple. 

Oh yeah, another piece of advice (and probably the biggest one): Don’t be a dick.  Yes, you’re a writer and you’ve accomplished a huge feat by finishing a book, now be nice, be courteous and help advance our craft.  That shit has a way of following you around.

11. If you didn't like writing books, what would you do for a living?

            I’d probably join the Army… Oh wait.

12. Do you read your reviews? Do you respond to them, good or bad? Do you have any advice on how to deal with the bad?

            I read every one of them and NO! I don’t respond to them.  That’s a dead giveaway that you’re not a professional.  For the bad reviews, besides poking fun of them on my Facebook page, I think that people are so diverse that there’s absolutely no way that you can please everyone, so write for yourself and the people who like your stuff will find you (with the help of tons of promoting!).  Unfortunately, with the internet, some people say the nastiest stuff that they’d never dare to say to another person in real life, so for that, I’ll go with the advice that fellow Permuted author S.P. Durnin, author of The Crowbar Chronicles, gave me a couple of years ago (has it been that long?!), “Water off a ducks back.  Don’t let it get to you.”  

13. What is your best marketing tip?

            Dammit, Tom, you’re supposed to tell me this!  Seriously though, I’ve been talking a lot to Phalanx Press author W.J. Lundy, author of the best-selling Whiskey Tango Foxtrot series, about marketing.  Bottom line is that the old axiom that it takes money to make money is true.  Free promotion, book blog tours and interviews are great, but getting your product in front of readers via advertising still can’t be beat.  Treat your books like any other product; you have to let the consumer know about your work.

14. What is your least favorite part of the publishing / writing process?

            The mandatory self-editing phase that starts immediately after the first draft is complete.  Seriously, I hate that!  I can write four or five thousand words a day, but only edit two or three pages a day.  Unfortunately, you have to self-edit before you send it off to your editor so that you capture all of your thoughts and don’t leave them guessing about what you meant.

15. Is there one subject you would never write about as an author? What is it?

            My least favorite thing to read and hence I won’t write about it is the death or maiming of children.  Too many times in the horror genre, writers try to gross out their readers in the belief that is what makes a good horror story.  In my mind, it doesn’t; but then again I’ve been in the Army for all thirteen years of our current wars and I’ve seen that stuff in real life.  It is absolutely horrible.  Yes, in a hypothetical zombie or apocalyptic scenario, children would be injured or worse at a higher percentage than adults, but I’m not going to describe that to my readers.

16. Is there a certain type of scene that's harder for you to write than others?

            I’ve been exposed to a lot of “stuff” in my career, so when I talk about military intel and technology I walk a fine line between reality what’s available for public consumption.  Any time I prepare to write about something that may be sensitive, I Google the heck out of it to ensure that it’s been released, if not, I avoid it altogether.  I’ve written about some pretty badass weaponry and I’ve had people tell me that it wasn’t real, but it is and I’ll go one better for you, the stuff I’m writing about is what’s been RELEASED, we have some pretty cool shit that the average person may or may not know about in the next ten years.  

To give you an example of how far behind the SpecOps community the regular services are (and hence real public knowledge), read Dick Marchinko’s Rogue Warrior – the memoir, not the fiction series that developed from this book.  He was the founding team leader for SEAL Team Six in ’81 or ’82 after the disastrous Iranian hostage rescue attempt that birthed Goldwater-Nichols.  Anyways, the gear he wrote about having in the early ‘80s made its way to regular combat troops in the first few years of the Iraq and Afghanistan wars, TWENTY YEARS LATER.  ‘Nuff said.

17. Is this your first book? How many books have you written prior (if any?)

            Nope!  I’m eight books in right now and I’m about ¼ of the way through my final contracted book with Permuted.  Although, depending on how well these are received, I may try to see if Permuted would be interested in any of my other stuff!

18. What are you working on now? What is your next project?

            I’m writing SEVER now.  After that, I am going to write a paranormal investigative book that I’d like to make into a series.

19. Do you write naked?

            Not yet…

20. What is your biggest failure?

            I’ve had a lot of setbacks over the years, but I’ve never failed at anything.  All of our past experiences coalesce to make us the person we are today.

21. What is the biggest lie you've ever told?

            “Trust me.”

22. Have you ever gotten into a bar fight?

            Yes, several, although I’m typically the guy who just wants everyone to get along and have a good time.

23. Characters often find themselves in situations they aren't sure they can get themselves out of. When was the last time you found yourself in a situation that was hard to get out of and what did you do?

            I have to tell a lot of senior ranking people, “No” in my job.  That never goes over well, but I stand my ground and maintain my position because where I work, I have the ability to see the entire picture where they are focused on their fight and may not realize that our finite resources are committed elsewhere.  If you prepare and have a backup plan, then usually you can be alright.

24. Do you drink? Smoke? And if so, what’s your favorite libation?

            I drink.  My go-to is an IPA (right now I prefer Dogfish Head 90-Minute IPA), but I also love a good margarita.  Before I left, I also started drinking Scotch on the rocks, my favorite so far is The Black Grouse, which is a VERY smoky Scotch, the first sip is always rough, but then your palate figures it out and it’s perfect.  I imagine it would go well with a cigar, but I don’t smoke, so… 

25. What is your biggest fear?

            Damn Sharks!  There’s almost nothing you can do, they are in their element and if they choose to go after you, you’re done, son.

26. What do you want your tombstone to say?

            That I was a loving and caring father and my children knew it, not some BS that they had to make up for an epithet.

27. If you had a superpower, what would it be?

            There are so many!  But I think telepathy would be freakin’ awesome. **BUY MY BOOKS!**

28. If you were a super hero, what would your name be? What costume would you wear?

            Given my body type and my current level of fitness after being deployed for the last six months with zero alcohol, I’d be totally comfortable in a spandex suit or even Hulk-style with torn jeans and no shirt.  No idea about a name, what about “Fred”?

29. What literary character is most like you?

            Minus the whole magic part, Harry Dresden from Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files series.  He/I usually don’t say the right thing, we find ways to dig ourselves deep into a hole, but in the end, we figure it out through brute freakin’ strength of will (read: stubbornness).

30. What secret talents do you have?

            I have old man strength.  Seriously!  I’m like crazy strong (I think it’s because I grew up on a farm and developed a baseline early in life).  Here at the gym in Afghanistan, we have a lot of Eastern European partners who are huge and are clearly steroid junkies, they’ve came up and tried to lift what I work out with and can’t do it.  Steroids are bad, m’kay?

31. Where is one place you want to visit that you haven't been before?

            Europe.  I want to go so bad, but it just hasn’t worked out yet.

32. What is something you want to accomplish before you die?

            Financial independence would be nice.

33. If you could have any accents from anywhere in the world, what would you choose?

            Scottish, because people automatically think you’re crazy with a Scottish accent.

34. Do you have any scars? What are they from?

            Tons.  I grew up on a farm and have all sorts of little ones.  I’ve got a chunk missing from my thigh where I was running and twisted my ankle, a guardrail kept me from tumbling down a hill, but a piece of me was gone.  I have a burn on the back of my hand from an M240C when the red-hot barrel fell onto my hand when my gunner was changing the barrel.  My favorite, stupid scar though, is I have an inch long scar on my abdomen.  I’d just purchased a new tomahawk with a spike on the back side and we were making a bonfire – alcohol may or may not have been involved.  Anyways, I pulled the tomahawk out of its sheath and the damn spike stuck into my stomach.  I staunched the flow of blood with paper towels and tape because I didn’t want my wife to know that I was an idiot.  Probably should have went to the hospital for that one, but it all buffed out in the end!

35. What were you like as a child?

            I read a lot and worked on our farm.  Actually, I was pretty shy as a kid, but outgrew that, now people can’t shut me up!

36. Do you dream? Do you have any recurring dreams/nightmares?

            Not really, at least not that I can remember.

37. You’re being attacked by a horde of brain eating zombies at this very moment, and all you have is a butter knife, a week-old lemon and a cheese grater. How would you extract yourself from the situation?

            I’m a runner as well as having said old man strength, so I’d just run.  What the hell?  Or, maybe I’ll squeeze the lemon into the dude’s face who sits beside me to blind him and create a distraction for the mob, then use the cheese grater to…Okay, I’ve got nothing here.  I’d get eaten!

38. Do you have any regrets? (Besides volunteering for this interview)

            Nope.  There are things that I wish could have went differently obviously, but the times that didn’t work out like I thought they would are the ones that I’ve learned the most from.

39. And last, but certainly not least, do you have any books you’d like to recommend/ shout-outs? 

            Besides One Man’s Island?  I think I’ve dropped a few throughout this interview…

            Thanks for arranging this, Tom!  I really appreciate the opportunity and will have to reciprocate at some point once I get my head out of my butt!

You can find out more about Brian, and all his books at these links:

Facebook;   www.facebook.com/BrianParkerAuthor

Twitter: www.twitter.com/BParker_Author

Web: www.BrianParkerAuthor.com

Here are the books that are available on Amazon now:

“Origins of the Outbreak” – US: www.tinyurl.com/Origins-Parker ; UK: www.bit.ly/Origins-UK

“The Collective Protocol” – www.tinyurl.com/TCP-Parker

“Zombie in the Basement” – www.tinyurl.com/zombie4kids

“Zombie in the Basement: The Coloring Book!” – www.tinyurl.com/ZombieColoring

“Self-Publishing the Hard Way” – www.tinyurl.com/Self-Parker